Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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