i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
