is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
