I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
this just has baby written all over it
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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