if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
