Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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