let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
