i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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