his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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