You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
