I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
My penis needs a shock collar
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
