Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
