grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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