Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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