So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
