I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
His hands were made for my vagina.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
