Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
