Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
