I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize