There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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