jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
