The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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