I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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