ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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