I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
he fucked my hip out of place.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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