i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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