he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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