i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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