Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize