You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
