No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
