she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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