He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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