If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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