tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
They are going to name an STD after you.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
