Sponge bath it is.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
