i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
