my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
