I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
