Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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