I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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