If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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