I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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