he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
