the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
