I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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