i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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