We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize