i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
