Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
