that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
