what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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