There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
