It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
just tell him i said nine months
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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