Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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