I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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