I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just forgot I was standing up.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
