4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize