I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
