I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
My life is pants optional.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
