Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
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