I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
