Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Still dying that you shit outside
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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