She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
