At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
