I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
