Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize