weddingsv make me drug and hornr
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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