I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I think my vagina is haunted
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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