i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
