Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
