I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
