Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
