I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Blood and glitter go together right?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
