Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
