I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
