i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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