when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
