I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just invented taco cereal.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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