Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
