i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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