But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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