so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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